I just thought of an idea for a virtual parenting app on your phone. It would be like auto-pilot for parents. You simply record a series of threats and admonishments in differing tones of voice, from impatient rebukes to full-throttled yelling, with stock phrases like “I’ll give you something to cry about;” or “Put that down;” or “I’m not going to tell you again. I mean it this time;” or “I’m gonna smack you silly, I swear;” or “Dad’s chainsaw is NOT a damn toy;”and, of course, lots of “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, for the love of all that is holy would you please SHUT UP!” in your highest pitch scream. For passive-aggressive parents you could record pleas and begging if you think that stuff works.
The first thing that parents will say to this is that it won’t work. Probably not but neither does that actual talking and screaming so at least you won’t have to repeat yourself a thousand times a day.