Target Audience: Who reads Leftbanker?

In order to peddle my writing I need to understand what sort of reader would be interested in Leftbanker humor. I have enlisted the services of a market research firm to analyze my work and help me to evaluate a strategy for selling a collection of Leftbanker essays. Market research has become a very exacting science which employs experts in the field of psychology. After a close examination of my essays the market research company came up with the following evaluation of people who would likely find this web site amusing.

You are likely to find Leftbanker entertaining if:

1) You lost a beloved childhood pet in a lawnmower accident (Which was entirely your fault so you buried the carcass and said Arty the hamster ran away).

2) Same as #1 except replace ‘pet’ with ‘one’ or ‘both parents’ or 'favorite Pope.'

3) In the wake of a terrible natural disaster you secretly cheer that it will be a record-setting tragedy. In this you have a lot in common with TV news people.

4) Just in case you ever have to face a firing squad, you have taken the trouble to type out a four course, last meal menu.

5) When you were in third grade you said to yourself, “If I make this basket I’ll be a good Catholic and go to church every week, and if I miss I won’t,” and then you had the character and guts to stick with your promise when you threw up an air ball.

6) You aren’t bothered in the least that your entire decision about the afterlife was based on a shot well beyond the three point line you took when you were eight years old.

7) “Well-adjusted” has never been an adjective used to describe you, although “never been convicted of a felony” gets thrown around a lot.

8) I’m not going to sugar-coat this: You drink too goddamned much (Don’t worry about this, you are a member of the least exclusive club that I know about).

9) You were under the mistaken impression that the author of Leftbanker was a hot, young coed. It’s time to pull your pants up and move on.

10) Perhaps the internet is so completely inundated by porn that the latest craze is jerking off to the inarticulate rants of middle aged men.

10) #10 was really just an addendum to #9 and I really wanted ten of these, so how about this for a possible reason why someone would read Leftbanker: Perhaps you are just a compulsive reader like I am and you read the recipes on the back of soup cans when you get bored. When you are out of soup you read Leftbanker.

Let me know if the experts missed anything.