Important Notice

Special captions are available for the humor-impaired.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Post-It Note® Mortem



A few brief observations about life and that thing after it.


● Whenever I cut myself I always grab a stack of stationery and write my signature on as many sheets as I can before it coagulates because I think that in this era of text messages and Twitter people still appreciate a desperate, hand-written letter signed in blood.


● Like many of you I often ask myself whether I’m taking enough chances in life or if I’m avoiding risk at all cost. There must be a middle ground between just going with the flow and the police having to identify your remains by examining dental records.



I’ve reached that awkward, uncomfortable age where I’m too old for tequila but I’ve listened to way too much Mexican ranchera music to ever stop thinking that tequila gives me superhero powers. 


● It’s OK to stay in a cheap hotel* but just don’t die there, man.  If you do then that’s all anyone will ever remember about you until the end of time. You could invent a cure for racism but all anyone will say about you after you’re gone is, “Didn’t he croak in a cheap hotel room?” On the other hand, if you’re in an expensive hotel then, by all means, go nuts. Attempt a swan dive into the pool from your balcony or use a hair dryer in the tub; people will say you went out with style.

*Signs that you're in a hotel where you shouldn’t die:

1) Kids playing hopscotch on homicide chalk outlines in parking lot

2) What sounds like amateur version of West Side Story is really turf war in the street out front between crack ho’s, teenage runaways, and meth dealers

3) Last occupant used complimentary iron to make grilled cheese sandwiches

4) No HBO

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Freedom Not To Make Sense



More than anything this video is just an excuse to post a funny song by Frank Zappa.  The song—written many years ago—makes fun of spoiled, young kids but works perfectly to mock the American far-right obsession with “freedom.” I put that word in quotations because they don’t have the slightest idea of what it means except that they should be able to buy any sort of firearm manufactured on the planet. The Tea Party’s obsession with “our freedoms” is just part of the foundation laid down by Karl Rove and the other architects of the current conservative philosophy which strikes at the “anger points” of middle and lower-middle class white voters. Republicans like to keep things really simple so they blame all of America’s problems on blacks and immigrants while they rant on and on as if conservatives are the only people who have jobs and pay taxes.

 Teenage Wind by Frank Zappa
It's a miserable Friday night
I'm so lonely
And nobody'll give me a ride
To the grateful dead concert...oh rats!

I got to be free
Free as the wind
Free is the way
I got to be

Maybe I'm lost
Maybe I sinned
I got to be
Totally free

Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So we're running away
And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
That's the way we should be

Nothing left to do but get out the 'ol
Glue
(sniff it good now...)

Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So we're running away

And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
That's the way we should be
(we must be free!)
The glue! the glue! I can't find the glue!
(we must be free as the wind)
If I was at the concert now, I'd be ripped!
(we were free when we were born)
I could tighten my headband for an extra rush
During jerry's guitar solo
Then I could go to a midnite show of 200 motels!
(we were born free, but, now we are not free anymore!)
"opal, you hot little bitch!"
"you can take this pin n' hang it in yer ass!"
"you ain't the devil!"
"where's my waitress? "
But we wanna be free
An' were gonna be free

Yes, we want to be free and we're gonna be free
... did you know that
Free is when you don't have to
Pay for nothing
Or do nothing
We want to be free
Free as the wind

Free is when you don't have to
Pay for nothing
Or do nothing
We want to be free
Free as the wind

Free is when you don't have to
Pay for nothing
Or do nothing
We want to be free
Free as the wind

Free is when you don't have to
Pay for nothing
Or do nothing
We want to be free
Free as the wind