Top Ten Excuses for Jihad Not Sanctioned in the Scripture

Mohammed Leggo

There are a host of reasons for Muslims to commit holy war, or Jihad. The Islamic holy scriptures lay out many important threats to their faith which justify going on the offensive against the kaffars (us).  As you can see, the followers have plenty or reasons to put the boot-crush on the infidels. I don't have the space to list all of them here but I'll give you a few examples:

#4 – Protecting the Islamic state from the evil of the kuffaar (us)
#6 – Exposing the hypocrites (nobody likes hypocrites!)
#7 – Purifying the believers of their sins and ridding them thereof (not sure who gets their ass kicked with this one)
#10 – Ridding the world of corruption (good luck!)

However, things have started to get out of hand and many of the faithful break into jihad at the drop of a hat. Being devout is one thing but let's not go overboard, people. Below are ten unsanctioned reasons for waging a holy war.

 1) Someone has more than 10 items in the express checkout at the supermarket
 2) Losing your card at the sandwich shop just before getting 10^th sandwich for free
 3) Bootleg HBO suddenly stops working in the middle of Girls
 4) Happy Hour buffet at strip club no longer serves hot wings
 5) Dallas Cowboys don’t cover the spread
 6) Neighbor’s dog keeps crapping in your yard
 7) Impossible to transfer contacts from Blackberry to new iPhone
 8) Racist Mall food court in Nebraska only has two felafel stands
 9) Nothing else to do
 10) Trying to impress girl on first date

Am I missing any?